What can I say... At this stage in my life, one of the major issues I ponder upon in places like toilets and trees is religion. A disclaimer before I start: Whatever I write is for me. Not trying to enforce my views on anyone. Constructive criticism is appreciated but negative comments telling me to go die are not.
I was born into a middle class that identified itself as 'Muslim'. Religion was something passed onto me along with the shape of my nose and the propensity to gain weight at the drop of a hat. Too much biology. Not enough spirituality. Yes. My family taught me the difference between right and wrong and while morality overlaps majorly with every religion, the divine part of Islam was limited to: the text books our school forced on us and the Qaari Saab who listened to us parrot back the strange words he taught us while fiddling with his mustache entirely too much.
I was supposed to pray - to believe and show that belief through certain rituals and supplications. A cacophony of countless supposed tos. I grew up being told to observe numerous things for every aspect of our lives. Lines were drawn that freed us and limited us - molded the way we look at things. Islam is not simply a religion, it is a perspective.
Do you remember story time? When a teacher would gather us around and tell us stories from the Holy Quran. I listened to the tales that our teacher wove with rapt attention, whether it was Moses, Jesus or Mohammad. They weren't simply messengers of God to me at that point - they were great men, trying to convey a message no one wanted to listen to. Conductors that protected their nations from losing their way. Crusaders that are littered throughout the annals of history but we don't encounter anyone like that anymore. No one stands out. Don't we need guidance anymore?
Being a leader only works when their presence and words seep throughout their followers. But then again... There is a slight possibility that there are just too many people to reach on a large scale.
Note: Must get people to stop reproducing.
Getting back to matters at hand. As I grew, the rational part of my mind tethered the part of me that wanted to run madly to the edge of the cliff and take that leap of faith. After all, who would willingly succumb to faithlessness? Treacherous mind that I have, it wanders to places that would make more than a few conservatives gasp. I doubt. I question. Is that so wrong?
I do see God everywhere. I just don't see Him in me. Not yet.
